Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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