peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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