youre lurking in front of me
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
