this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
