It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
