i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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