Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
