How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
