right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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