I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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