Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
