my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
