So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
