i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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