So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
