Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
