spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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