Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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