During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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