Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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