So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
