You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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