I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
