Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
