He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
