she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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