Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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