my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
