If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
