I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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