I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
