I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
