and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
