You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
