I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
