oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
