first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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