I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
