i don't plan on having that self control this summer
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
