Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
