You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
