Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
