I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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