i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
