their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
