This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's blow job season.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
