I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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