i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
