I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
