where am i from again
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
