READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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